effing turbotax

As you may have read from JR's post, we had a little trouble filing our taxes last night. California state taxes were harder than I had expected, and then, when we finished and e-filed, we kept getting a "Transmission Failed" message because they were unprepared for the tax day crunch on their servers. (Wah!) An Intuit spokesperson* actually said, "Don't wait until the last minute is the moral of the story." To which I respond, "Fuck you!" and kick him repeatedly in the side of the head, all kung fu style. Oh wait, that was in my head. A company that responds to a crisis like this with a response like that can go suck it.

Anywho... Mine finally went through successfully way before JR's did. And I mean like 30 tries before. And it's a 20-step process every time you have to re-try. (I took a screen-capture of the "Transmission Successful" just to prove it. (Here's a UI clue for you morons: plan for failure. Provide a "Try again" button.)

Fast forward to this morning when JR IM's me to tell me he checked his status and it's "Pending", and remind me to go check mine. I do, and it says, "You haven't completed e-filing. File Electronically?" I nearly had a heart attack. I have NEVER been late with my taxes. Ever. I've filed an extension, but I've never missed the deadline. I check my e-mail again - the charge for using their software went through, and I thought that was my confirmation e-mail about e-filing.

Uttering curses which should never fall upon human ears, I go through the 20 steps again, hit the last button, and the page reloads with "Updating..." (Anyone who tried to file last night will know the page I'm talking about. It's the page where you wait breathlessly, like on Antiques Roadshow, for the moment when you find out if what you have is treasure beyond your wildest dreams or a hunk of junk.)

Updating...
Updating...
Updating...
Updating...
Updating...
Updating...
Transmission Successful. (In the words of Homer Simpson, THANK YOU JEBUS!)

You can bet I also snagged that screenshot in case this comes up with the IRS. Luckily, this time they weren't LYING, and my status is now Pending. The moral of my story is "Burn me once, shame on ... don't even burn me once you sons of bitches. You just lost my business."

* Harry Pforzheimer, a company spokesman for Intuit, and someone I would like to slap in the face with my 21 page tax return.