mom's birthday

April 10th is my mom's birthday. She died (suddenly, unexpectedly) November 11th, 2005. I expected all of us (Karolyn, my dad, me) to have a hard time, but we were all relatively OK. We all called each other to check in, and there were tears, but none of us came to pieces. I don't know if I feel better or worse about that.

When I called, Dad was going to Steak and Ale for dinner, because that's where Mom always wanted to go for her birthday. Now that's his tradition. He did the same thing on her birthday last year.

Mother's Day is coming up, and that hurts. I used to send her flowers. She loved that. She'd talk about how much she loved them for months. This is the hardest thing about not being in San Antonio anymore; I can't take flowers to her grave on special occasions.

Dad bought a house in San Antonio on March 1st, and he still hasn't moved in. I think he's having trouble leaving their home in Oklahoma City. It was the last place they shared. And they had so many friends there, such good people. I think he's afraid of breaking that connection. They had lots of friends in San Antonio too, but that was so long ago at this point. He'll have the Jag club again, which they always loved. Right now he just can't seem to set a date for packers to come and move him. It's probably hard to be there and hard to leave. I don't know how to help him.

I came across some old photos recently, including some slides taken when they were just going out or maybe newlyweds. They're so young and beautiful and happy. Full of life. That hurts my heart. I wish I'd known her at that age. I miss her so.