mom & dad's anniversary

Today always makes me sad. I called to see how my dad is doing today, and he was on his way to the cemetery with flowers. I called him to comfort him, and I end up a soggy, red-eyed mess. Not very comforting I'm afraid. But he said it was comforting just for me to call.

I still haven't dealt with this yet. I always just have my crying jag, then push it to the back of my mind so I can take care of everything going on. But that means that every time it makes its way to the surface, I fall apart. Her birthday, mother's day, their anniversary, the day she died, thanksgiving, christmas... Even my birthday, because she always sent a card and bought me something off my amazon wish list. Which was particularly funny when I hadn't kept up with that wish list and it had gotten out-of-date, so I was like, "huh?"

I miss her, and I miss them, and I miss us.

family album up on flickr

To give you an idea how special this is, let me tell you how close we came to losing these photos forever.

We had collected all these photos for Mom's memorial service, and taken one to be blown up and framed. I also wanted one of them copied and framed, so I took the envelope of folders with me. And they disappeared into the netherworlds of my "filing" system. I thought I'd sent them back, no one else remembered receiving them... And about a month ago, there they were, in plain sight, with a few college photo albums. So I took them out, looked through them, cried a lot, and resolved to get them all scanned and put on CD. When I had time to do it, I couldn't find the envelope.

We searched high and low. Looked in the cars, scrutinized my desk at work. This took two days to go through everything twice. I was at wits end - I finally found them, and they were gone, this time forever. JR realized trash day was the next day, and as a last ditch effort, he went and got the bag out of the trash. He brought it up, opened the bag, and started digging through; immediately, I recognized the mailing envelope and tore it out of the trash. I was sobbing with joy - a couple of photos were a little creased, but they were here! We figure they fell off my desk into the office trash can and got swept up in our big spring cleaning.

While I wasn't looking, JR took them to a camera place to have everything scanned, including slides, which came out incredible. So I've uploaded them to my flickr family album. I'm not done, but here are most of the really precious old ones.

uncle walter, 1930 - 2007

I got the news last night that my Uncle Walter passed away at about 6pm on Monday, April 30, 2007. He was 76. He suffered a severe stroke last Wednesday, and my Aunt Ila Rae took him home on Sunday so he could spend his last hours at home.

In my memory, Uncle Walter was a huge, burly man; strong as an ox. Always with a ready smile and a big bear hug. My dad and I went to his surprise 75th birthday party in December of 2005, and the theme was NASCAR. I never knew he was such a huge NASCAR fan. I never knew they made so many NASCAR party supplies.

So again, I'll be going to the funeral of a loved one feeling I didn't know them as well as I should have. I don't have any photos of him to show you right now. If I find any, I'll post an update.

Goodbye Uncle Walter, you'll be missed.

as if all this wasn't enough...

Last night my dad told me that my Uncle Walter (his oldest living brother) had a severe stroke on Thursday, is bleeding badly into his brain, and things aren't looking good. They live in Floresville, Texas, so he's in the Floresville hospital, and you know how small town hospitals can be. Yesterday they tried to get him transferred to Methodist Hospital in San Antonio, but they wouldn't accept his transfer. No doctor would accept him. They don't accept patients that won't make it.

Isn't that the point of a hospital? To do their best to ensure a patient does make it? That makes me spitting angry.

So send good vibes Uncle Walter's way. He needs them more than me.

mom's birthday

April 10th is my mom's birthday. She died (suddenly, unexpectedly) November 11th, 2005. I expected all of us (Karolyn, my dad, me) to have a hard time, but we were all relatively OK. We all called each other to check in, and there were tears, but none of us came to pieces. I don't know if I feel better or worse about that.

When I called, Dad was going to Steak and Ale for dinner, because that's where Mom always wanted to go for her birthday. Now that's his tradition. He did the same thing on her birthday last year.

Mother's Day is coming up, and that hurts. I used to send her flowers. She loved that. She'd talk about how much she loved them for months. This is the hardest thing about not being in San Antonio anymore; I can't take flowers to her grave on special occasions.

Dad bought a house in San Antonio on March 1st, and he still hasn't moved in. I think he's having trouble leaving their home in Oklahoma City. It was the last place they shared. And they had so many friends there, such good people. I think he's afraid of breaking that connection. They had lots of friends in San Antonio too, but that was so long ago at this point. He'll have the Jag club again, which they always loved. Right now he just can't seem to set a date for packers to come and move him. It's probably hard to be there and hard to leave. I don't know how to help him.

I came across some old photos recently, including some slides taken when they were just going out or maybe newlyweds. They're so young and beautiful and happy. Full of life. That hurts my heart. I wish I'd known her at that age. I miss her so.

sxswi 2007

Well, we're back. Great panels, great schmoozing, got to see some of my own personal internet rockstars, and drank til the wee hours. Incredible parties. Check out some of the photos:

Flickr Set: SXSWi 07

So far, I've only uploaded the ones from my powershot. I still have to upload the ones from my Rebel.

After the conference was over, JR and I headed for San Antone to see family and friends. I got to see my dad's new house (amazing!). My sister Karolyn came down from Houston one night. And we had such a great time with our friends! Hi friends! :)

That's all for now. I'll tell you how I torqued my back while crashing to my knees (busting my right knee for the THIRD time now), but it'll have to wait.

gone skiin'

I am off for the "Something-th Annual Forsythe Family & Friends Ski-stravaganza and Get Yer Drunk On". I coined that name myself, so don't hold JR's parents responsible. I also think it requires "jazz hands" on the "-stravaganza" part, but whatever; do what you like.

There will be so many of us there we had to rent 3 houses!!! I'm so looking forward to seeing everybody! I myself do not ski, but there are plenty of other things to do, like ... drink hot spiked cider while I read by the fire, and ... play drinking games at night!

There will actually be fun stuff for the cripplingly clumsy, like snow tubing and maybe some snowmobiling. Hmmm... I wonder if those require coordination after all... Anyhoo, this trip is a big, snowy-white, blank page waiting to be filled. Yippee!!!

happy belated thanksgiving

I realized that when I posted yesterday, I didn't even wish you a happy turkey day. So now you are wished.

Amazingly, there really wasn't much more to tell from my family's Thanksgiving day. The meal was excellent - it seems to be good luck if I come. The two that I've missed have been "Everything's Orange" Thanksgiving and "Turkey Not Cooked Right So Everyone Got VERY Sick" Thanksgiving. The latter is self-explanatory, the former is my aunt (who is very creative, god bless her heart) following a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving recipe where everything included carrots. Apparently, the gravy was orange, the potatoes were orange, the dressing was orange, and the turkey was orange. "How?" you ask? My only guess is that there was experimentation with one of those spice-injecting turkey needles. Here in the Hill Country, sometimes we inject our turkeys all over with all kinds of spices and then deep fry them. You heard me. DEEP FRY THEM. If you ain't from around here, that may be a little shocking, but it is actually quite good. And juicy. It's not battered or anything. Hmmm... Yet.

Anyways, this meal was terrific, and there was all the requisite napping. And it's been really good to come back and see my family. Then Karolyn and I went to the movies with my cousin and her family. We almost went and saw Happy Feet (for the kids) but we switched to the new Bond movie, Casino Royale. It was on the upper side of meh. And almost 3 hours long!

And then I stayed up til 1am knitting and watching a BBC America What Not To Wear marathon. Damn that show - it sucks me in every time! And the BBC version (the original, might I add) is better. Although they do strip the ladies down to their skivvies. At first I was horrified, but it really does let everyone see their actual, realistic body images before they remake them. I finally had to turn it off in the few seconds before the next one came on, or I would've been sucked in for another hour.

Well, Happy Thanksgiving and all. I'm going out with my dearly missed friends tonight, and I can hardly wait. There will be eating and drinking and laughing and hugging and photos! Toodle-oo!

thanksgiving tidbits (probably 1 of a series...)

Karolyn is going kind of vegan, and is making every effort to cut out dairy and sugar. She asked my grandma what was in the biscuits, and of course they're made with milk.

Poppie: "Karolyn; Grandma Jo is going to teach you to make biscuits tomorrow. Would you like that?"
[Pause as everyone at the table knows Karolyn knows how to make biscuits.]
Poppie: "Most men like biscuits..."
[Raucous laughter from the table at the absurdity of that statement. As if any of us are looking to pick up men with their biscuit-making skills.]

Grandma Jo, frustrated by Karolyn's decision not to eat dairy or sugar, is asking, "Do we just not eat that stuff (implied: like these delicious butter rum muffins...) in front of you? I don't know what to do."
We start discussing alternatives to milk so we can make stuff K can eat for the rest of her stay. One of the best solutions is rice milk.

Us: "That's what we can do, Grandma Jo. We'll use rice milk instead."
[We get a vacant look in response.]
Us: "Did you hear that, Grandma Jo?"
GJ: "Oh! Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was off in the back 40 trying to figure out what we can do for Karolyn. There's got to be something..."

We're all talking, trying to figure out who showers where. My dad is insisting he can take a shower out in the guesthouse/playroom where there's no hot water. The rest of us are insisting he not do that.

GJ: "You can shower in our shower - it's nice and big. Poppie plays like he's an elephant in the shower."
Poppie: "What?!?"
GJ: "You get water everywhere! On the ceiling, all over the place. The whole bathroom gets wet! I just let the water fall softly on me and take a nice shower. I don't even get water on the bench!"
K: (in an attempt to end this conversation) "Looks like Grandma Jo gets a gold star!"
Me: "She's the valedictorian of showering." (I think dooce/blurb, whom I don't even know, would enjoy that remark.)

And that was all by 8:30am. I'm gonna have a lot to talk about. (evil grin)

to give you a little background:

I am having Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, who decided a while ago that since we would all be scattered around the world for Christmas, we would have Christmas at Thanksgiving!

I was told this on Monday morning.

I'll repeat that for emphasis: I was told that the family is having Christmas for Thanksgiving 2 work days before Thanksgiving.

So Happy Christgiving, folks! Or Merry Thanksmas! Whatever floats your gravy boat.