handyman don'ts

Here is a rundown of the types of things I heard coming from our home office today, where the landlord's son was replacing a 100-year old window.

• Oh shit!
• Shit man!
• Awww, that really hurt! Shit!
• Ohhh man... shit... shit.
• Shit... I forgot my gloves.
• Shit... Hey, Oscar - can you go down to the truck and get the [insert basic tool name here]. I forgot it.
• Man, Oscar. Who woulda thought a window would take all day?
• What the...? Shit! I measured this exactly! 76... Why won't it fit? Shit. Hey Oscar! Can you trim like a quarter of an inch off this? And these too. I know I measured it right...
• Shiiiiiiiiit. *Sigh*
  

I can't reiterate this enough: If you are a handyman, these are statements you don't want to make where they can be overheard by customers. I found it funny, but some people might not.

On the bright side, they also repainted the really steep, slick stairs out front. We asked if they could paint them with that grainy paint, and he looked doubtful, but said he would look into it. Luckily, his paint guy "just got in this new paint with grit or something in it that makes it no-slip." Wow. How can you be a handyman and not know about no-slip paint? (Then again, he seems to be a handyman without ever actually having tools either. At least this time all he needed to borrow was our ladder.)

Don't get me wrong - this guy is really nice. I'm not putting him down or anything. He's super nice. I'm just amazed that somehow he gets by on sheer luck. Example: none of his keys are labeled. So he had to try each one of them to find out if he had the key to our house. Luckily I was here when they arrived!